it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
