I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
