i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
