Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
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