dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
