He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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