there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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