Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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