so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bring me that man meat
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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