i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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