i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
NoShamevember. You game?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
