You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
