Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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