I am in a vortex of obligation.
no, he came in my armpit
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
