dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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