Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize