His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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