Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
