i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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