There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
