Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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