did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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