doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
