They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
