Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
