I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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