I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Randomize