Sponge bath it is.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
