My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
