Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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