I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
