Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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