she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
