If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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