you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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