I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
