I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
