Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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