I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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