Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
