If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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