Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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