Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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