just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize