I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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