so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
