I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
