Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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