All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Someone signed my nipple.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize