There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
