just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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