its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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