HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
