just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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