A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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