i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
