I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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