do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The maid of honor just puked.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
