her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize