Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
