I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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