Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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