If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
