I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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