why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
