she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
