He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
