Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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