I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
