no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
